Practical Faith: Walking Before Talking

It’s so good to be home... My brain is going in lots of different directions. I really want to recommend the book ‘Equal to You’, it’s being sold outside today. It’s a fruit of us being family. It’s something that was birthed here; it’s something that was written with so many of you cheering it on, and championing the message, and cheering me on. And so, I want to encourage you to get the book. It will equip you and empower you, men and women, to be all that you were made to be, and to do all that you’ve been created for. So, I recommend the book to you, not because I’ve written it, but I believe it’s a message that God has for his body today. And it’s incredible that you can buy it just outside these doors... Anyway! I get the privilege of speaking on Ephesians 5 today. I was told that you guys are in a series, going through the book of Ephesians, which is handy because that’s one of my favourite books. Last week you had preaching on chapter 4, and so I get to pick up from chapter 5. But before I jump into Ephesians, I wanted to highlight a verse that I read this week in Mark 12. 

It’s this passage where there’s a multitude around Jesus and they’re hungry, and He’s about to multiply some food but they don’t know that yet. His disciplines are kind of arguing with Jesus, telling Him to get rid of the people, because they can’t possible feed that many people. And Jesus says, “I am unwilling to send the hungry away.” And that verse caught me as I read it this week, because there are so many things that we pin on Jesus that He’s unwilling to do, we say. That He’s unwilling to heal in different moments, or He’s unwilling to bless, or He’s teaching you a lesson by withdrawing things. And we kind of give Him a bad rep, actually, saying that He’s unwilling to do ‘X, Y, and Z’ when, actually, there’s only one time in the gospels where it’s ever described that Jesus said, “I’m unwilling” to do something. And it’s this: “I’m unwilling to send the hungry away.” So, if you are here this morning and you are hungry, well, I’ve got good news for you. He is unwilling to send the hungry away. He is the God who wants to fill us with good things, who wants to provide for us, who wants to give us His presence to feast on this morning. I count it a real privilege that I get to open up the words of this treasure here, and partake in this feast with you. So, let’s jump into Ephesians 5 together. 

We’re going to do a ‘no frills’ Bible study this morning, I hope that’s okay with you. I say that unapologetically, actually, because the words of this book bring life to its readers, so we’re going to get deep into Ephesians 5 together, we’re going to read scripture together, we’re going to read through the whole chapter, actually (hopefully) by the end of this, if I can keep an eye on timing. I’m going to highlight five things in this chapter as we walk through it. For the context of Ephesians, in case you’ve not been part of this series, the book of Ephesians is written by the apostle Paul to the community at Ephesus. When you read the book, you can see that a good way of summarising it is in three parts, where the first part is all about the word ‘sit’ and, really, it’s about identity. It’s highlighting where you’re seated with Christ, and the whole first section is about getting to grips with your new identity as you are seated with Christ. 

The second part of the book, which is the section that we’re going to pick up in, is summarised with the word ‘walk’, where you, who now know who you are, get to walk out your new identity. The order of these words is really important. The Christian life is not to be approached first as walking out a system of morality— if you do that, you will trip up all of the time. The Christian life is to be understood first as a repositioning of identity in Christ, so that who you now are can now walk out in everyday realities. And so, it’s first ‘sit’, and then it’s ‘walk’ and, just for completion, the third word can be summarised as ‘stand’, which is really all about warfare. Sometimes, as Christians, we talk about warfare as if we need to run around and do all sorts of weird and wonderful things but, actually, the Bible shows us warfare as ‘standing’. Ephesians 6 is all about what to do when you’re in a battle, as the people of God, and the key word is ‘stand’. So, ‘sit, walk, stand’ is the simple summary of Ephesians, but don’t let that fool you; the book is not simple by any means. It’s a treasure trove that we get to dig in. Today, we’re going to look at ‘walking’, and I’m going to highlight five areas of walking, so let’s get started. 

Ephesians 5, verse 1. “Therefore,”— Paul has just been writing about the forgiveness that we experience in God. “Therefore, in view of this forgiveness, be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” First thing I want to highlight is “walk in love”. I love this verse because it pinpoints to us the source of the power that we live in, and it’s the experience of His love. Walk in love. Just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, you cannot manufacture any kind of love for others until you experience the love of God for you. As Christians, sometimes, we can act like our ministry is more about being self-righteous Bible-bashers than it is about overflowing with the love of God just as He loved us. Notice the way He’s loved us, it’s sacrificially, it’s powerfully, it’s radically that He’s loved us, because He’s given all of Himself in order to raise us up. The very same grace-filled love of God that has impacted you is to be the love that overflows from you. This is key, because your experience is the platform from which you were to bring transformation. You cannot bring transformation anywhere in the world if you’ve not first had the experience and the encounter with the love of God. Sometimes, as Christians, we like to graduate from the love of God— “yes, yes, the love of God is important, but what programmes can we look at now? And what lists can we get enrolled in now?” And the reason we do that is because, if we’re honest with ourselves, we understand that love is incredibly radical and incredibly challenging. It may be a simple little word, but it’s difficult to walk out, but that’s exactly what you and I have been called to. 

The key to walking in love is to experience love. For some of you, this is all you need to hear of this sermon because, for some of you, you’ve been trying to do the Christian ‘walking out’ without ever having encountered the love of God for yourself, and you’re wondering why it’s so incredibly difficult to be all that He’s said and to do all that He’s said, and it’s because without the encounter and the experience of His love you’ve got nowhere to go. You can’t bring transformation without the experience, because it’s the experience that leads to the transformation. You can’t do the second without the first. You know, in the gospels, Jesus talks about this radical love, and He talks about how you and I are not to just be reciprocal in our love, where we love those who love us— even unbelievers can do that, He says. They can reciprocate love. No, He says you and I are not simply to be those who reciprocate love, we’re to be those who initiate love, where we’re able to love our enemies and we’re able to bless those who persecute us. Why? Because we’re plugged into a love source ourselves. See, you cannot initiate love unless you’re plugged into a love source already. If not, all you’ll be able to do is reciprocate. That’s what the world does, ‘You love me, I love you’, because they’re able to mirror what is already being given to them. And sometimes, as Christians, that’s what we look like. All we do is mirror what others are giving us, but God is saying, “No, you are plugged into love itself!” That empowers you to be one who initiates love into a place of darkness and brokenness, not simply to reciprocate it only when you feel it. 

You and I are initiators of the love of God. But the first step, the only first step, is to experience His love. And so, even as I continue speaking, I pray that the love of God would overwhelm so many of you in this room. Those of you who maybe have never encountered His love before, that that would be the thing that you walk away with today. The love of God overwhelming you, because I want to tell you He has incredible, deep affection for you. It’s not a clinical kind of love, it’s not a flimsy kind of love, it’s not a Hollywood romance kind of love where He loves you today but who knows tomorrow there might be something better that comes along. No! It’s a powerful, radical, faithful, transforming love with which He loves you, and that’s what He wants you and I to experience. Walk in love, just has He’s loved you. That’s how you are empowered to love others. That’s the marker of us, as a community. Sometimes, as Christians, we can love walking and being right, rather than love walking in love. But last time I checked it’s our love for one another that distinguishes us as disciplines, not our love for theology that distinguishes us. You and I are invited to walk in love. Let’s keep going. Now, here He pivots. He’s just told you about a life of love, told you about an identity marked by love, and here we go to the exact opposite of what it looks like to walk in love. 

“But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place” — put a bookmark in that— “which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.” Another translation says, ‘Let thanksgiving be your dialect. The Kingdom of God teaches us a new language. You might speak English as your first language, or any other language as your first language— mine is Armenian. You might speak that as your first language, but when the Kingdom of God comes upon you, He wants to teach you a new language: the language of thanksgiving. That’s to be your new dialect as the people of God. But what I love about this verse, and the verses to come too, it kind of lists a few actions, a few things, that have no part in the Kingdom. And we can read these simply as a list of rules, simply as a list of things you’re not to do, because if you do that, that’s really, really bad. But we misunderstand Paul’s writing if we read these verses in that way, because these verses are not about a list of actions that are bad, it’s a list of ways of living out identity that is not natural for the Christian. That’s what he’s saying. That’s why it says “which are out of place” in verse 4. That’s why it says in verse 3, “don’t do these things, because it’s not proper amongst the saints.” Why is he saying that? Because your identity has been so transformed that now it’s more natural as you, as a Christian, not to sin than to sin. That’s why these things are out of place amongst you. It’s not simply a rules list that he’s trying to get us to adhere to. What he’s trying to get us to see is that your identity has been fully transformed, and because of that there’s an overflow that makes sense according to your new nature. 

Now, some of you are looking at me like I’m completely mad. Some of you are like, “Of course it’s natural for me to sin. I find it really difficult to say ‘no’ to sin.” You know what? The way to overcome sin isn’t simply to try harder or to keep beating yourself up about the fact that you’ve sinned. It’s to come into a place where we look at the mirror that God places in front of us of our new identity in Christ, because it’s out of the overflow of your understanding of who you are that you will act. Modern psychologists tell us that your behaviour is not primarily rooted in your desires, but is primarily rooted in your understanding of your identity. The Bible said that much before modern psychologists. The point is this: to overcome a simple pattern of behaviour, it’s not about us trying to somehow reorder our desires, but it’s coming into an understanding of who you have now been made to be in Christ, because your nature has been transformed as you’ve come into encounter with Jesus. You are a new identity, so you get to walk out a completely new nature. All of these old ways of being are simply out of place. They are, in fact, out of sync with your new nature. If you tune in to what your new nature is full of, your behaviour will come in to align with that. That’s how you overcome sin the new community. Not by beating yourselves up, but by reminding each other of who we now are in Christ. I promise you, it works. It’s an amazing, powerful thing in understanding our identity. 

Let’s go on. Verse 6. “Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore, do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness,”— again, we’re talking about identity. At one time, you used to be darkness. Before you knew Jesus, you were darkness. “But now you are light in the Lord.” Everything about you has been transformed. The gospel of Jesus is not about morality. The gospel of Jesus is not a ginormous washing machine where you and I get put in and come out the same person, but just a little bit cleaner. No! What Jesus has done in the cross and resurrection is not about cleaning you up, it’s about transforming you from darkness to light. You are completely different in nature to what you once were, before you knew Jesus. Everything has changed. So, the second thing: “Walk as children of light.” First thing: walk in love. Second thing: walk in light. “For the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true, and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.” 

Do you know why God hates sin? Not because it’s something that’s against one of the random rules that He put in place. Like, one day God decided that He’d come up with the 10 Commandments, just for funsies, because those were random things that He picked out of nowhere, and then He doesn’t like people who don’t follow His rules. That’s not what sin is about. God hates sin because, in essence, sin is unfruitful. Because sin is a lie, because sin promises you something that it will never, ever deliver. That’s why God hates sin. Not because He’s a rule-keeper, but because He loves you. That’s why He hates sin! He hates sin because He sees that the enemy comes to you with the temptation to sin, saying, “This will make you happy, and this will feed your soul, and this will satisfy you, and this will bring you joy”, and as soon as you partake you become bound, and everything you were promised vanishes. That’s why God hates sin! And so, it talks about the “unfruitful works of darkness”, because sin is just empty. It is empty promises. It is settling for far too little. Sometimes we act like our desires are too much for God and that’s why He hates sin, because we just want too much, just learn to settle for the morality that God says— no! It’s the opposite way around. God’s desires are much more than yours, and He hates sin because it’s settling for far too little. The problem for you is not that you’re looking for pleasure, it’s that you’ve misunderstood where pleasures are to be found, because the Bible says, “At His right hand are pleasures evermore”.

 Sin is just far too little for what you were made for. Walk in the light. Now, I want to take some time from verse 11, for a second. “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret.” Note the link between shame and secrecy. “But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light.” Okay, let’s take some time here. This may come as a surprise to some of you, but our ministry as Christians is not the ministry of shame. We’re not called, you and I, to go outside the church and shame the world into repentance. Our ministry isn’t one of making people feel so bad about who they are that they’re desperate for Jesus, because they’re terrible, terrible, terrible people. That’s not the ministry that’s been given to you. Because here, we see something really important: where there’s secrecy, there’s shame. Where there’s shame, God is calling you and I where there already is the shame of secrecy to be the light that brings things to the surface, not so you can heap more shame. Because I want to tell you right now, people who are in sin are experiencing way more shame than you could ever speak on them. They’re already ashamed about what’s going on in the inside, they don’t need you to remind them of how broken they are. That’s not the ministry that you’ve been given. 

God is calling us to go into areas where there is shame because of brokenness and sin and secrecy to empower people to bring that to the surface. And as it comes to the surface, the purpose of the light isn’t to shine a spotlight so that you feel terrible, it’s to shine a spotlight so that you come into a transformation, so that you become light. That’s what it says! It says there’s shame in secrecy, but when anything is exposed by the light it becomes visible, for what becomes visible becomes light. It’s a transformation process. You and I are ministers of light. Wherever we go, we are empowering people to break the back of shame so that they can come out into the light and speak about their brokenness, not so we can heap judgement on them, but because they find a safe place with us, the light brings healing to them, and they, who once were bound in shame in secrecy, now become light themselves. It’s powerful. Walk in light. You are not a minister of shame, you’re a minister of light wherever you go. Walk in love, walk in light. Verse 14 says, “Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” Again, the gospel is not one where it’s ‘wake up, you bad person, become good because Christ has shone on you’. No. The gospel is not about morality, primarily. It’s not about God making bad people good, primarily. It’s about God raising up dead people up into life. That’s what the gospel is. That’s what He did for you. He woke you up from death to life, and that’s what you and I are called for. To wake people up from death to life, not to shine a light on their morality. God will deal with that all by Himself, He doesn’t need our help for that. Walk in love, walk in light. 

Verse 15: “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise” — walk in wisdom, number three— “making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” Walk as those who are wise, making the best use of time (because time is short) and the days are evil. So many of us, as Christians, can read that and think, okay, time is short, the days are evil, I need to do more. Like that’s what it looks like to walk as a wise Christian. Fill my diary with more good things, plan out my schedule, shove as much possible Christian stuff into my calendar, because surely that’s what it means to walk in wisdom, because the days are short and evil. But let’s look at what it says. “Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit.” Wisdom, in this context, looks like getting drunk. That’s what it looks like. The days are short, the days are evil. Walk in wisdom. Don’t get drunk with wine, because that’s actually nowhere near as interesting, but be filled with the Spirit. The conclusion of walking in wisdom is being filled with the Spirit. So, often, what we talk about when we’re talking about wisdom in the Kingdom is actually a description of worldly wisdom, which the Bible often equates to ‘demonic’ empowerment. So often, in the church, we’ll talk about, ‘is that wise?’ but actually what we’re saying is we’re introducing a level of disbelief into people’s radical faith-decisions, and we’re applying the lens of worldly wisdom onto situations and we think that’s Kingdom wisdom. Kingdom wisdom is upside down in comparison to worldly wisdom. It’s a totally different thing. 

The days are short, the days are evil. We think, automatically, that wisdom must mean ‘do more’, and He says, “No! Walking in wisdom is getting drunk!” Not with wine, just in case some of you are panicking, but with the Spirit. Be filled with the Spirit because what you do, empowered by the Spirit, makes everything else that you do pale in comparison. There’s nothing that you can do, in and of yourself, in your own power, that can ever come close to something that God can do by His empowered presence. And so, He says walk in wisdom. Get drunk. Now, let’s think about getting drunk for a second, and I know none of you have ever, ever been drunk, so this is going to be a moment where you’re really going to have to extend imagination. I understand that, but give me some freedom here, for a second, to do this. Imagine, if you will, being under the influence of alcohol. Even that sentence, hey? “Under the influence of alcohol”— we have these wonderful sayings. What happens when you’re drunk on wine? The alcohol takes over and you lose control. That’s what happens. And we have phrases that we talk of, like ‘being under the influence’ of alcohol. ‘Driving under the influence’— of what? Of the alcohol! ‘It was the alcohol speaking’, we say, when you’ve said ‘X, Y, and Z’— imagination here, I know you’ve never done such a thing. but when you’ve said ‘X, Y, and Z’, that isn’t what you would normally say. You see people, they talk about ‘beer goggles’, where you see people differently because the alcohol gives you a brand-new lens. That’s what it looks like to be drunk in the Spirit. To drive under the influence of the Holy Spirit. For the Spirit to be talking. For you to have ‘Spirit goggles’ on. So that you’re saying and you’re seeing and you’re doing, as the Spirit says and sees and does. Be filled with the Spirit. That’s what Kingdom wisdom looks like. 

The days are short, and the days are evil; what you need is the control and the influence of the Spirit. You don’t need more in your schedule, you need the empowerment of the Spirit. They don’t need more in your schedule, they need the empowerment of the Spirit. That’s what you and I are called to. And I love the word here, ‘filled’, because it’s an ongoing word. It means be filled, be filled again. You were filled, be filled again right now. Filled yesterday, be filled right now, again, some more. Be filled, be filled, be filled, keep being filled, keep being filled. Every second of the day, God is inviting us into this place where we’d be filled by the Spirit of God, so that we can do, see, act, and say under the influence. Are you under the influence when you’re at work? I recommend you to be. Be under the influence because wherever you go, you will bring light and life if you’re allowing the empowering presence of the Spirit to be at work through you. Walk in love, walk in light, walk in wisdom, which means get drunk in the Spirit. Verse 18 is actually the pivotal verse for the verses that flow on from it. It’s the starters of the sentence and the verses following flow from it, because you can’t do the following things unless you’ve been impacted by the presence and the power of the Spirit. 

Verse 19, “Firstly, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,”— worship overflows from the empowering presence of the Spirit— “singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks”— thanksgiving overflows from the empowering presence of the Spirit in our lives— “for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Preferring the one in front of you comes as an overflow of the empowering presence of God. Walk in love, walk in light, walk in wisdom, walk in preferring— number four. We are called to prefer the person in front of us. This isn’t just a verse that we read and then promptly ignore in scripture. It’s sacrificial to walk this out. It means standing in a disagreement and then saying, ‘Okay, I pick your way.’ Not with any strings attached. Not with ‘I’ll remind you if this goes wrong’. But actually, saying I’ll come under your way, so that your way is now my way; we both accept responsibility of how this ends. That’s what it means to submit to one another. Not one group always submitting to another, because that looks like hierarchy and that’s not what this verse is saying. But actually, the Greek words are incredibly clear words of reciprocal submission where one submits to another at some point, and another submits to you at other points. 

This is a community that is learning to walk out, preferring the one in front of them, not in permanent positional hierarchy, but in the beauty of community at play, because this is how the trinity operates. The Father glories the Son, the Son glorifies the Father, they glorify the Spirit, the Spirit reflects on the Father. Constant dance of preferring one another. No, you go first. No, you go first. No, you go first. It’s the preferring of one another, and you look like God when you prefer those in front of you. It’s this beautiful invitation. And then we get into some interesting territory, and this is why I was so excited to preach on Ephesians 5 today. Where are we at with time? Okay, great. Verses 22 onwards, right up until chapter 6 verse 9, are built on the foundation on submitting to one another. That’s the key verse for all of those verses that follow, right up until chapter 6 verse 9. The pivotal verse is “submit, one to another”, talking to everybody in the community. No-one is exempt from that instruction, to submit to the one in front of them or to prefer the one in front of them. Everyone included. 

And from verse 22, Paul starts to speak to three groups in the community on the foundational teaching of submitting to one another. He says, “I’m giving this blanket statement now, let’s talk about the practicalities of what this might look like, this mutual submission might look like, in your everyday circumstances’, and he picks three groups of people to address. He picks husbands and wives, he speaks to fathers and children, and he speaks to masters and slaves. He doesn’t pick those three groups randomly. Rather, this is a powerful moment for us if we understand what Paul is doing, because he enters in on conversations that are already happening in the ancient world. We misunderstand Paul’s teaching here if we think Paul came up with these three groups all by himself, because when we do that, we think Paul was in agreement with how these three groups were structured as he teaches on them. But we misunderstand him when we do that. Paul didn’t randomly come up with these groups. Ancient researchers tell us that in household codes, at the time of Paul’s writing, every time there were moral or ethical writings happening, they would pinpoint these three groups of people as they discussed morality in their day. There was conversation going on in the secular world as to what husbands and wives should look like, what fathers and children should look like, what masters and slaves should look like. That was a conversation already at work in the secular community. This is a masterclass in joining the conversation. 

So many of us, as Christians, are having an irrelevant conversation over here in the corner and wondering why nobody is getting transformed by the stuff we’re saying. It’s because you’re having a conversation that no-one else is having! We’re talking in our little Christian group over here and wondering why the world is not fascinated with the theological principles that we’re picking apart and discussing. But that’s not how the people in the New Testament walked out their faith. That’s not how Jesus walked out the Kingdom, and it’s not how the apostle Paul did it. They entered conversations that the world was having, and then transformed them from the inside. That’s what it looks like for you and me to be people of salt and light in the world, wherever we go. We join their conversation, not just talk above their conversation as if the conversation is beneath us. Notice, Paul enters the conversation and he doesn’t blow it up. He doesn’t walk in on the conversation and go, ‘This thing is entirely stupid! Anyone who thinks these groups of people should relate in this way. You’re just an idiot if you think’— he doesn’t do that. But sometimes we do that. We enter into a conversation that the secular world is having, which is a good thing, and then we blow it up, which is a bad thing. That’s not what we’re called to do. Paul, here, does something much cleverer than that. He enters a conversation, he actually works within the premise of the conversation so that what he says is relevant, and then he sows seeds of such utter, radical transformation within. The outworking of those seeds will bring life and will change the conversation entirely. But he doesn’t blow it up.

 What are the conversations that our world is having right now? Conversations around race, conversations around gender, conversations around sexuality. These are conversations that you and I need to be a part of. Not conversations that we ignore, and hope go away. Not conversations that we see as somehow ‘less spiritual’ than the conversations that we’re having about the Bible. No! All of these things are spiritual when we enter into them, because you are spiritual! So, we enter the conversation. I got a message this week, and I’m starting to get messages about this because I’ve entered the conversation on gender, which is what the book is about. And so, I’m getting questioned about sexuality. What’s my view on sexuality? Am I LGBTQ-friendly? The answer is yes, I am LGBTQ-friendly. Now, how you define that, we can talk about. But do I think every single person on the planet, regardless of their sexuality, has worth and value and is made in the image of God? 100 percent, yes. Do I believe the church is the best community, and should be the safest community for anybody, whatever their sexuality? 100 percent, yes. It is unbiblical to have churches that exclude people based on their sexuality. That is unbiblical. So, if you want to know whether I am LGBTQ-friendly, on the basis of what I’ve just said, yes, I am. And so should the church be. There is no-one excluded from the church based on their sexuality, or what they identify as, or anything else. Because I want to tell you that Jesus is LGBTQ-friendly, based on what I’ve just said. That He loves people. He sees value in them. He wants to journey with them. Does he want to leave any of us in brokenness? No. But, oh my word, He’s not going to exclude any of us, ever. 

Join the conversation. It’s not beneath you, it’s not unspiritual. It is what you’re called to. Join the conversation, and that’s what Paul does. These are the groups of people that his world are talking about. He’s not going to start having a conversation of there; he’s jumping right into that conversation saying, “Okay, let me just say the foundation is going to be mutual submission.” Do you know how mind-blowing that would be to his heroes? Mutual submission? Wait, husbands don’t submit to wives?— some of us are still saying that. Husbands don’t submit to wives. Wait, fathers submit to their children? Never! Masters to slaves? Are you kidding? But he’s just put a foundation for the community of God, which is mutual submission, and then he talks about what that mutual submission now looks like for all of those practical spaces of life that are being discussed. And I’m not going to talk about fathers and children, masters and slaves, someone else is going to do that in the following weeks. But I am going to talk about wives and husbands. Walk in love, walk in light, walk in wisdom, walk in preferring. If you want to get an in-depth look on this, there’s a whole chapter in my book on this, which I really recommend because I think we’re getting this wrong. 

Because Paul starts the sentence with ‘mutually submit to one another’, in fact that’s the verse in 21. In verse 22, your English Bibles will say “wives, submit to your own husbands”. It uses the word ‘submit’ in verse 22 in your Bibles because that’s how English makes sense, and that’s good and right. Translators need to make these words make sense for us. But in the Greek, it doesn’t do that. In the Greek, verse 22 doesn’t have the word ‘submit’. So, in the Greek, it’s incredibly clear that what Paul is speaking on from verse 22 is what he’s just talked about in verse 21, which is mutual submission. So, verses 22 onwards are not about the opposite actions of one group submitting and the other leading, because leadership is never mentioned at all in this teaching on wives and husbands. The husband is never told to lead, he’s never told to assume authority. Not once in these verses. Rather, on the basis of mutual submission, verses 22 onwards is about the two parallel— not opposite— actions of submission. Two parallel actions of submission, and the outworking of those both. The wives are to work out their submission with honour; the husbands are to work out their submission with love. Why would that be important to tell those two groups of people those two things? Well, because for wives, submission— actually much more strongly, obeying was required of them. If Paul had simply said to the wives, ‘Wives, submit to your husbands’, it would’ve been an entirely pointless sentence. Wives already knew to do that! They knew to do much more than that, because they were the property of their husbands. Nobody in the ancient world who was a wife needed teaching to obey their husband. That was a given. So, what does Paul say? He doesn’t simply say ‘submit to your husband’, he talks about reverence. He talks about honour. Why? Because the submission that wives would’ve been tempted to give would be robotic and automatic and resentful. But he’s saying, “Hey, we talked about mutual submission. Wives, before you switch off at this point and go, ‘Yeah, that’s just a normal life for me, I just keep going’— no, no, no. Your submission engages honour. Because you see your husband as the head in the same way that Christ is the head of the church, its saviour.” 

Now, notice it’s not the same way that Christ is head of the church, its leader, but Christ the head of the church, its saviour. It’s the servant leader of Christ. It’s the servanthood of Christ, right? It’s not the authority of Christ that’s being pinpointed— he could have! He could have said, ‘submit to your husband just in the same way that Christ is the head of the church, its Lord’. All of those things are true. But not once in the section is there Lordship or authority or leadership; it’s a life laid down. Paul is giving wives motivation to honour and submit to their husbands. And then he talks to the husbands, and I’m really not doing a full study here, okay? You’re going to have to do the research on your own, because we don’t have the time, but I’m just giving you a taster. Paul then speaks to husbands, “Hey, we’ve talked about mutual submission, so don’t forget: husbands, you’re submitting, too!” Now you can see all the husbands getting really annoyed, because their whole lives they’ve been told they’re in charge. Their whole lives, that’s what’s been fed into them. Their whole lives, they’ve been told ‘you are the authoritative figure in your home. You own your wife; she’s like your cattle and she’s like your sheep. She’s your property.’ That’s what the ancient world would’ve told them. And he says, “No, no, no. Mutually submit!” And that’s already blown their world to pieces. 

You can see the community of God trying to figure this out— ‘fine, I’m going to begrudgingly...’, ‘fine, I’ll patronise her— “I’ll submit to you, darling, because I’m so good in Jesus I’m going to submit to you, don’t worry”’. Patronise her with that. Nuh-uh-uh. He’s like, “Okay, let me give you your motivation for submission. It’s a radical love. It’s a radical love. Don’t you dare patronise her with your submission. It’s radical love. Don’t you dare begrudge her with your submission. It’s radical love.” And then he says, just to massage the point home, “because he who loves his body, just like the wife is the body of the head, loves himself”. This is not a patronising love. This is actually a love that’s feeding you too, so don’t say you’re doing her any favours, because you’re doing yourself the favour. That’s what he’s saying. It’s not opposite actions that he’s talking about, it’s the one action that he’s talking about in parallel motivation. Love and honour. Love and honour. Okay, let’s move on, because I want to say one last thing. I’m going to finish with this last thought. Verse 31: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” The mutual actions. Last one. We’ve done walk in love, walk in light, walk in wisdom, walk in preferring, walk in union. 

You know, why these verses are so important is because marriage is a reflection of you with Jesus. We have got to get our theology on marriage right, because there’s much more at stake than what your marriage feels like in your home, but rather the prophetic picture of what we communicate to everybody— to the world and to the principalities— about what it means to be united with Christ. That’s what this says. It says, “Your marriage is not you two becoming one flesh. It’s not just about you two becoming one flesh, but it’s a picture of Christ and the church.” This is why it’s pivotal for us to breakaway from a traditional understanding that has crept into the church, I should say, not the original understanding. But a conservative understanding, that has crept into the church, of hierarchy between husband and wife. Because if we come into that understanding, then we do away with the beautiful, profound, incredible, mind-blowing mystery of Jesus uniting you to Himself, not in a hierarchy, but in an incredible, unthinkable equality. Unless we start understanding that our marriages are a prophetic picture of the beautiful union that the church has with Christ, we won’t see why this is so important. 

But it’s pivotal, because Jesus could have made you His servant. Jesus could have united you with Him in a hierarchy, where He’s the boss and you’re the lackey. He could’ve done that because He’s God! Gosh, He would’ve been wise to do that, because His life would be so much easier. He didn’t do that. That’s not what the Bible says He did. We’ve been reading Ephesians as a community, right? Well, Ephesians 1, Ephesians 2, what did Jesus do? He united you with Himself so that where He is seated, which is on a throne in heaven, incidentally, you are seated. Not as the 0.5 percent shareholder of the Kingdom of God, no! He is the heir, and He’s made you His co-heir. Equal partners in what belongs to Him. John 17, when Jesus is praying and He says to the Father, “The very same glory you have given to me, I have given to them.” Not one day, not a tiny measure, no! The very same glory that Jesus, the second person of the God-head has in Himself, He’s given to you and me. That’s what it means to be in union with Him. Not in some hierarchy, which is no mystery at all, because a hierarchy is to be expected. “But in mystery”, it says in verse 32. This mystery is profound because hierarchy is to be expected, but it’s not a hierarchy at all. You’re standing on the same ground as Jesus. It makes no sense, but He’s inviting you and me to walk in union. And your marriage is a prophetic picture of that union. Don’t give up the profound prophetic mystery for what your cultural preferences are. Your marriage is to reflect something so, so profound. Something that is unthinkable. That Jesus would join Himself with you, so the very same space that He enjoys as Son, you enjoy as an adopted son or daughter. Julian talks about us being Siamese twins with Jesus. That’s the point. When you go into your workplace, you’re not small or insignificant; you are joined with your Siamese twin, Jesus. He walks wherever you go because you’re joined. You cannot be separated, so when you walk into the workplace, so does Jesus, and that’s where your power comes from. Walk in unity. Your marriage is just a prophetic picture of this profound mystery. 

Won’t you stand with me? Walk in love. Encounter the life-transforming love of God, because there’s nowhere you can go and nothing you can give the world out there without that, if you haven’t experienced His love, even now. Holy Spirit, you’re the one who leads us into encountering the love of the Father. I pray that you would lead men and women into that encounter right now. Walk in love, walk in the light. You are not in the ministry of shame-bringing. Rather, you are in the ministry of breaking shame and bringing transformation. You should be the safest person for the world to tell their ugliest secrets. That’s what you’ve been made to be, because that’s what Jesus was. That’s why the sinners and the prostitutes and the drunkards and the gluttons went to Him. Because the religious folk were not safe. But with Jesus, they could open up the most broken parts of them and Jesus would say, ‘come and find home’. You are not a shame-bringer; you are a light-bringer. Walk in light. Walk in wisdom. Not by doing more, not by filling your schedule— no. Kingdom wisdom looks like ‘get drunk’. Get drunk in the Spirit. Be filled, in the name of Jesus, with the Spirit of God, even now. Holy Spirit, won’t you fill, and refill and refill and refill and refill, until we’re overflowing with your empowering presence. Walk in preferring. See the person in front of you. And recognise that God empowers you to lay down your life. In your marriage, in your workplace, with your children. To lay down your life and walk in union. He has joined you to Himself. His empowering presence courses through you, because you and He are joined with one heart. That same blood that flows in Him, flows in you. That same power that flows in Him, that same power flows in you. The same glory that flows in Him, that same glory flows in you. Wherever you go, whoever you speak to, you are walking in union. That is your reality, that is your experience. Because He’s inviting you today to make it so. And, men and women, this is what our marriages are there for. To proclaim to all the world and all the heavens that Jesus has made us one with Him. That we walk not in a hierarchy which is to be expected with Him, but in a mutuality, which is mind-blowing, with Him. That He has joined you to the God-head for all time. And so, Father, we submit ourselves to your ways. I pray that you would continue to work out these truths in our everyday lives. That we would be men and women that join conversations, not to be the morality police of those conversations, but to be the safest person in that conversation, even as we sow the seeds of transformation, health, and wholeness in those conversations.